Marriage Quotations

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.

☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole

☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...

☻The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words
...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)

☻Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

☻A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

☻There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

☻I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...

☻Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.

☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

☻I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

☻I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward

☻Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

☻The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge

☻A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

☻A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne

☻Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown

☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

☻Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith

☻There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran

☻The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde

☻An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

☻A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.

☻They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

☻There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood

☻The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.

☻A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman

☻Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi

☻A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

☻The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman

☻Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West

☻The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher

☻I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann

☻I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli

☻I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker

☻When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

☻Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

☻Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus

☻By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

☻A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland

☻Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

☻All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron

☻Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman

☻Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton